“I was born homosexual in a planet that seems to have been created for heterosexuals. I was born a woman in a man’s world and left-handed in a right-handed world. I had the option of playing the victim, complaining, arguing with myself, but I preferred to feel fortunate, different, unique”.
This is the text on page thirteen of my book “El amor es de todos los colores” (Love is all colors). But getting to this conclusion costed me many days and nights of suffering and all because I did know who I was, but I did not recognize it, or accepted it. I had many reasons to believe that no one would understand me, that everybody would reject me and that is why I put my essence in a closet and waited for years to open the door.
A closet is usually a small and humid place, dark and cold, and that is the reason we, sexually diverse people, feel identified with it. This is how it feels not to belong. This is how it feels being treated as an object, being different. We lock ourselves in there to avoid the mocking of others, being harassed and humiliated. I was hiding for many years and I even started feeling comfortable in spite of my pain.
The truth is that there is just one life and it is urgent to be happy, so I decided to get out, open that door wide, to look in the mirror, recognize me and love myself exactly how I am. It was hard to shake loose, but when I did, I started to live the life we all deserve, because each human being feels in a unique way and that is magical. Living from love and not from fear should be the purpose of all human race, but for this to happen we have to learn to respect others and stop judging them. They say that the opposite of love is hate, but fear is really what leads us to offend, mistreat and abuse others. I always wonder: fear of what? That makes my head spin, as I find it hard to understand that a person fears another one only because that person is not like me. I have seen many parents rejecting their children and then opening their arms again to love them unconditionally.
Setting an example is usually a great way to teach others how wonderful diversity is. That is why I decided to be visible and to show the world the Camila I am. I am a human being just like any other. I do what I love. I am professional and responsible. My nieces and nephews say that they have the best auntie in the world. I am a family person, positive, free, and happy. I build my own family each day together with my wife and love is my flag.
The message I repeat every time someone talks about how hard life is for being diverse, I say to them: the first thing we need to do is to face fear and accept ourselves the way we are, as when doing so we are truly free, and a free human being is prepared to live intensely and to be happy.
Some years ago, I was in a celebration of the pride month and I wore a shirt with a sentence that I am really identified with. It said something like: “I did not decide to be gay. I was only lucky”. This is how I feel, as a being that has had the opportunity to go around the world loving in all colors and that really is a great privilege. I would not want to be anyone else. I do not want to stop being who I am. My essence represents me, defines me, makes me more human every day.
I am very proud, and I hope that you are proud as well.
Choose to be happy.
By: Camila Chaín
